We are mandated to bring Marriages, homes and relationships into God's original plan.

Monday, June 8, 2020

HOW TO BE CONTENTED IN A RELATIONSHIP


I had a beautiful Dog, which I named after one of my favorite House mate in the Big brother's show. I love this dog so much like my heart, I don't joke with him, I would rather not eat for my dog to starve.
That dog just mean the world to me. We were together for three years. When I go out or travel, I always look forward to getting back home because of this beautiful animal being especially the way he welcomes me, it's so lovely.

After three years of living with this Dog,  I visited a family Friend, where I  spent my weekend, they have a beautiful German shepherd ( Dog), who became my friend. This Dog is so cute, being a German Shepard, it's bigger than my dog who is a Samoyed breed.

This Particular Dog belonging to my Friend  has friendly attitude that I didn't see in my own dog and  this dog also appears to be very polite.
After returning back home from that weekend trip.

I discovered my attention began to draw on every bad things about my own Dog. I begun to felt it was just too small to be good for security, I think it was very destructive and impolite,I also felt he lacked respect.
I just begin to hate everything about this my dog of three years, just because of a Friendly dog of two days. 

I flogged life out of that Dog until People around began to complain.

I finally put the dog up for sales, he found a new owner. I spoke with my friend that since he has more than a dog to let me adopt his German shepherd. 

He consented, and gave me this new dog. I was happy to have this new friend of two days to myself permanently.

At his arrival in my home our relationship became so sweet than my Samoyed Dog. After three month of owing this dog,  I got promoted at work and was transferred to a new branch which was distance away from my previous work place. 
The implications on my dog was I now have to leave the house earlier than usual, and come late in the night. These affected the feeding time and attention. Little did I know  that this new dog  cannot endure  with me nor understand with me. for my previous dog understand if I missed his meal, I must be busy. he will stay calm sometimes for four days till I returned

One day, before I came back he has killed my neighbor's chicken and when I moved closed to see him, because of what he has done, he refused to welcome me as usual and became very defensive. 

He hid in his cage, he assumed i was coming to beat him, he was ready for me, as I opened his cage he stroked me by the hand and injured me. it was a Serious  injury that I had to take injection and some stitches.
I became very mad  and called the owner to come pick it,  the owner told me his aggression and attitude was the reason they let me have it, since I was the first person who has ever said anything good about him or love him. 

Immediately I began to miss my Old Samoyed Dog and I determined  to get him back double the price I sold it. 
Unknowingly for me, the new owner had relocated from where I knew they were staying. I called his line it wasn't going through, so I sent a mail to him.
After few days, He replied. The content of the message taught me all the lessons am going to share with us in this post.

He replied,
" Thank you for raising such an adorable dog with good lovely and friendly manners, we just couldn't have enough of him, he is such a pleasant dog that we initiated him into the family."
He is now with us  in Canada and now a good member of our family, he then sent me a beautiful picture of their arrival at their new home in Canada. My dog never got to take a picture with me.

Now he has a cloth on in  this family group picture, and was enrolled to a dog school as the tradition of that place demands.

 I wept and wept even though I could not tell my people around I was mourning myself and not the dog.

All that story was to introduce you to the focus of this article which is :

" Contentment in relationship"

Almost always I got this  question from the people I am privilege to counsel or talk to...

Questions like:
Can two persons stay faithful to each other for a long time?

 Can two persons  in relationship  be satisfied  with one  another without wanting the love of someone else?

 Can there  ever be satisfaction in relationship?


I always respond by stating clearly that our definition of love as Christ disciples is  far different from the world's definition of it.

The world love only what they like, enjoy or get satisfaction and if by tomorrow the discover something  better, they will switch, guess what! still using the word "Love".

The last time he loved "close up Toothpaste", this week he loves"Oral B toothpaste", The use of love has been bastardized by them to only mean,  what they enjoyed and feel cool with. 

That's the reason why  you will see a lady who had dated and claimed to have loved about five men in her life time and she is just 12 years of age,
That won't be love but something else may be infatuation.

In God's kingdom , we know  that love is not a feeling but a deliberate act of commitment.

Love is not the feel good hormones experienced in your  body when you  are with or think about that one person.

Love is a willingness to sacrifice ....Dave willis

Love is not merely a feeling, it is a commitment, it is not defined by emotion, nearly as much as it is by devotion.

It is acting in someone else best interest

People don't like love, they like the flattery filthy feeling.

love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it's not emotive.

  Chandler said:  "our culture doesn't love love, it  loves the idea of love. it wants the emotion without paying for it..."

True  love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed, it is a committed thoughtful decision

Romans 5:8
God showed (proofed) His love for us, by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Emphasis on our condition (Sinner) when God loved us that much, this is God example of love so True. 

It wasn't about Him and His gain. But about us and our benefits even when it means He has to pay an ultimate price for our redemption.

As children of Light, heirs of God's kingdom, this should be our model of love, especially as it concerns our relationships and marriages.

If we understand How God showed his love to us then we will know that being contented is not an option but a life to us.

We Just have to be satisfied with our partners no matter what.

let me establish  that no human being can ever be satisfied  as our human needs  are insatiable.
Our needs  are numerous.

So also it is in a relationship, but what makes the difference in a relationship is how the issues of Contentment is handled and managed by both party.

N.B:  If you think you have a reason to change  your partner and leave them for another, your own reasons are nothing compared to their reasons to dissert you but more than the reason is the love they have truly for you, Don't abuse it

In first Timothy 6;
The spirit of God taught us in verse 7 , how Godliness and contentment is great gain.

One result of lack of contentment in relationship is break up and some of the reason for this are:

1. Familiarity:  There is a saying "familiarity breeds contempt". Actually, this is what happens between couple, from the beginning when the attraction was really strong, They are very quick to believe that they have found the right person for them.
In fact the both showed the best character they could, just to make the other feel loved and  feel very secured.
They go.futher useing word likes forever to add to the romantic atmosphere. They can Actually  be  the right person for each other but the problem is couples do not easily adjust themselves when the real personality of the other person begin to show.

When the opposite character of both individual  is  already expressing , that is when problems begins. They now began to strike each other with negative words.

2.  Behavior and attitude:
As I said earlier explaining familiarity, as the bond grows certain hidden behaviors, manners and attitudes you never saw in your partner begin to show and that may lead  to dissatisfaction or lack of contentment in relationship.
Examples of such are 
Funny, Guys like me don't mess (fart) near my fiance those days but now in marriage I don't care... I thunder around the house anytime, with lots of sweet aroma, that has caused a lot of unpleasant stuff in the house recently. 
My wife don't just like it but you see am so used to it, as funny as that may be, it can ruin a home.
Another is, then, during the early days of relationship, we dressed to impress one another , but as we got into each other things like that changes. The sexy lady then doesn't care what she looks like now and the man goes  to work everyday seeing a lot of well packaged ladies or women around him, but when he is back home, a woman who doesn't care how she looks. This may lead to a lot of dissatisfaction.

Another common to ladies is communication manners, that changes a lot with time.
As the relationship grows, ladies really don't give the attitude they did give in the early days and this can communicate a lot to the man leading to dissatisfactions.

The list is endless, you can feel the gap...

HOW CAN WE  ACHIEVE CONTENTMENT IN RELATIONSHIP

1. Be happy with your partner:

Everybody desires to have the best in life and one of such is having the best partner , so to have contentment in a relationship, you have to make up your mind to be happy with the one and only partner you have.

This is because if your mind is one hundred percent made up that you are okay with the one  you have,  there is nothing that will make you long for more.
I saw a lady recently and I tell you, something came to mind and I  was wondering why I didn't meet her earlier; I meant before I met my wife, she is Just so exquisite.

You see, if I haven't chosen to be satisfied and happy with my wife.., E.ehnnn.... It's alright. complete that.lol
So it's expedient that we make up our minds that nothing will ever satisfies us or give us pleasure like our partners.

My Second point is

2. Don't be greedy:

People usually do not get satisfied with whom they are dating for a reason or the other which makes them discontent in their relationships.
When you are greedy in your relationship, you  will likely  want to havr what other people have which you may not get in the long run.

Like when you compare someone else partners with yours.. I even think that is Evil and wicked, don't do it.
Being greedy makes you expect so much from your partner and if you do not get what you want, you start feeling dissatisfied.
To have contentment in a relationship, you should drop the greedy act and stick to your partner through thick and thin.

Build your world around  your partner alone, I understand they have bad attitude, bad this and that...

Everything seems good at first but time will reveal the covered darkness.
Stay with the devil you have known, and make an angel out of him/her
Love hopes all things.

3. Know that nobody is perfect:

Contentment in a relationship should emerge from the fact that you are okay with whom you are and who your partner is.
It's important you know this, I even call this maturity.

Nobody can get exactly whom they want but they can be happy with whom they have as long as the love is genuine and of God.
If you therefore decide to jump from one relationship to the next in search of Mr  or Mrs right one, you may be disappointed because he or she doesn't exist.

Love makes all the difference and when you love someone, all their faults disappear and to me loving someone brings contentment in a relationship.
You may want to read 1 Corinthian 13 in amplified version.

 This should be the fourth point,
4. Know what you want:

The only way you can derive satisfaction or contentment in your relationship is if you know what you want out of that relationship.
 Does he or she make you happy?

Are you really in love with your partner?

 Are you  contented being with that person? 

 Is he or she who you really want or you are you just managing the relationship?

 Do you think or know your relationship with God can manage this person?

It's important you answer all this

5. Ensure you and your partner are on the same page:

What do  I mean by this?

To enjoy contentment in a relationship, both parties must be in sync in all that they do. 
If the two of you do not agree in your affairs, there is no way you would be totally happy in your relationship.

To be on the same page in your relationship, the way you communicate with one another should be open.

Hey........Attention.....Attention

Please Ask questions.

Please don't assume.

Ask questions, and you too......
Answer..... I mean be detailed

Give details.

Talk about everything, it is very important

If you can both trust each other, you should enjoy contentment in your relationship.


6. Do away with side  distractions

Sometimes it might Just be oreety difficult not to get distracted by another person or certain things but if you havr made up your to  be content with your partner, you must deliberately ignore certain distractions that might derail you from sticking to your partner.

Avoid unnecessary alliance with other opposite sex
it may provoke jealousy in your partner even though you both are just friends....
It is very easy to be swayed so being careful should be your watch word so you can fully enjoy your relationship.

Finally

Choose and treat your partner as your taste.
she is dark, love only dark woman assuming you are a guy

He is short, I mean celebrate and love only short guys.

She doesn't have big breast.
Bro, celebrate her simple pointing nipples. you will learn your ways around that blessing in marriage.

Don't start getting dissatisfied along the line because you just met an endowed lady.

Good wives are not discoverd by breast size..take note.

Except breast is your calling, there is more to marriage than physical attractions.

Same with ladies....  Love him the way you said yes to him, change together, don't compare him, make him your taste in men. 

Fight contrary thoughts with the word of God, they will come.

Pursue the developments of your partner, think and am asking you, what if he/she feels this way towards you and may be choose to leave you, how will You feel?
Cheated I guess.
Save them that same feeling.

Do your God best to keep the relationship going and perfect.

Make it an habit to make your partner improve on their short comings and disadvantage instead of being discontented with them.

Teach them to smell nice...
Help them with good English...
Don't leave... Stay

Love always stay.
I will never leave you nor forsake you, is the word of love. 
Love hope for the best of the other
Doesn't seek his own things, forgive their inadequacies as fast as possible. Don't leave the scene without settling any misunderstanding.
Make this a religion.

Above all
Always pray together and study the word together, When the spirit is one Lack of contentment can not come in.

Let's discuss in the comment session, write your lessons from the story of my dog.

Authour: Emmanuel-Salt Agbeluyi.

2 comments:

  1. For me, I learn that what I don't appreciate, when I lose it to someone who knows the value, then I will realize that what I compared what I have with was fake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes and that's a great lesson, Thanks for your feedback

      Delete

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