We are mandated to bring Marriages, homes and relationships into God's original plan.

Monday, June 8, 2020


Appreciate the sex of your Children by Attah Goodness


Mrs Z was so excited. She was barely a month into her marriage when she found out she was pregnant. She already knew she was going to have a boy, for was that not what qualified her to be a wife whose voice was heard in her husband's family? Her labour was short and quick and her baby...... girl came squalling and screaming into the world. She was downcast and sad, so much so that she had Postpartum depression. After several counseling sessions, she developed a little love for her girl and soon, she got pregnant again. 

Over the next nine years, five more girls followed and with them, a piece of her died and hoped again...for a boy. After six girls, she had a boy eventually. O! The Joy that filled her heart that she had finally giving birth to a child. Her girls she disciplined, her boy she worshipped. 

She brought him up with all she had and went extra miles to make sure he was very fine. Her girls grew up, got married and left the house. Her boy grew older but never really grew up. He eventually towed the path of a criminal because he never knew what work meant because he was never made to experience any hardship. He was the death that killed his mother eventually because he sold all her possessions. 

 Let us start with this scriptural background before we incorporate other things in dealing with the topic. Genesis 1:27. The latter part emphasizes that male and female created He them So from the beginning, God never created a disparity between the male and the female sex. He created them both because each had a unique place in His agenda and in each other's lives. 

I started with this story because it is more familiar; the exaltation of the boy child above the girl child. Culture permits it. Let me say most cultures because we have some cultures that celebrate the birth of a girl child because she is a lucrative source of income for the family as per bride price issues. When we read through the scriptures, we see a perspective of the Jewish culture being revealed. How sons are more prominent because of their role in the family as heirs. I believe God permitted that because he wanted to instill a culture of sonship in us (both male and female). He wanted us to be familiar with our heritage and to make us also know that we are joint heirs with Christ. I will speak as a Yoruba lady.

 The male child is seen as arole (the heir) and sometimes the birth of a boy is treated with more fanfare than that of girls. I come from a family where we are four girls and one boy. In all my growing up at home, I NEVER saw my mom or dad exalt our brother above us. We were treated equally and given equal opportunities and house chores. I am grateful to God for my parents. I remember the daughters of Zelophehad in Numbers 27, their father had no sons and they came demanding for their father's inheritance.

 God told Moses to give it to them, because of them, God said that if a man died without sons, his daughters can have his inheritance.( Verse 8) Oftentimes, culture is what makes us not to appreciate one sex of child or that makes us exalt one child above the other. God does not want us to be cultural Christians. Each child is a gift from God and because the pressure of culture and the demands of family hypes one sex above the other does not mean we should yield to such pressure Enlightenment through education has done a lot to make us aware of gender equality but it goes beyond this. It goes to the root of the matter. To God as the giver of each child and to the purpose for which each child was given. Esthers, Ruths, Marys e.t.c are looking for the right atmosphere to be all God wants them to be. Davids, Josephs, Moseses are looking for the correct atmosphere to be born. Even though science is doing a lot to make the sex of children manipulatable, we have the responsibility as Christians to uphold God's standard as it was from the beginning. 

What length will you go to as a man/woman to have another sex of child when God decides to give you the other sex continuously? What length will you go to as a man? Will the birth of one particular sex determine the way you love your wife/husband? Science tells us that the man has the X and Y chromosomes and it is what he gives that determines the sex of the child. Beyond Science, each child given is a gift and there is a purpose for the gift. Parenting is far weightier than the boy/girl factor. It involves nurturing, grooming, growing, being a co-laborer with God in raising a godly seed. Some of the things that make us not to appreciate the sex of our children includes: 
Family pressures 
Selfish motives of wanting to show and wanting to be heard
Fear of being stigmatized 
Family inheritance palaver 

 We have others but no reason is good enough to treat the children God gives us unequally. No reason is genuine enough to have a side chick to give us a boy because we want an heir. No reason tangible enough to commit adultery because we want to be delivered from the shame of not having a particular sex of child. Beyond the here is the hereafter and we are only pilgrims in the here. When God gives us boys, let us thank Him and raise the child to be God's heritage. When we have girls, let us bless God and raise her to be a warrior in the Lord's army. May our hearts receive greater light and salvation (Amen). 
Sometimes we do not know what is in our heart until light shines. 

 Lastly, I want to address another angle of this issue. There are families that have both sexes of children but there is obvious favouritism in the way each sex is treated. Mothers tend to show more love to their sons and fathers shower affection and pamper their girls. This is another dangerous trend. Parents should be united in the way they treat each child. The mummy's boy syndrome and the daddy's girl syndrome is not so healthy, especially on the long run.

 QUESTION: When your spouse seems to be addicted to a idea of a female being his first child and each time he talks he says uses 'her', 'our little girl' and he rarely mentions the male child. How would he deal with it or how should the lady help him? I believe that it unconsciously may be an obsession. And I ask what if it's a male first? Is his heart prepared to receive the boy I ask? What is it with most males and having a female kid as the first child? 

 SUGGESTED ANSWER: Spouse or spouse to be? Asking questions will go a long way to help clarify issues and diffuse any hidden tension . Did God show him a girl as his first child? He might be talking based on that. Many men feel a girl child is better first because she makes house chores easier to be done and she takes over the home from an early age. If you feel it is an obsession that is threatening, address it in prayers and know what God wants both of you to have first. 

Above all, make sure your spouse is someone who loves God and love to do His will. This way it will be easier to enjoy whichever sex God decides to give you first.

 One quick advice to unmarried couples, please ask your spouse questions, do not neglect anything you are uncomfortable with. When you go to visit his/her people, know their perspective on this. You can know by observation and discernment. This will help you prepare for any kind of pressure they might want to mount on you. Pray about everything and anything. We all have silent preferences but when we open up our hearts to God, He helps us put our preferences in the right corner of submission. 

God does not give us children anyhow. He gives us particular sexes in particular orders for a reason. I listened to Priscilla Shirer recently on YouTube and she spoke of how God told her husband when they recently got married that he would be giving them all boys because He wanted to change something in his ( the husband's family). The men there didn't live well and they had no good male heritage so God wanted to use his family to break that yoke. She spoke of how when she was going to have her last boy, it was as if the scan revealed a girl but she knew what God had said and wasn't moved. God gives us particular sexes for a purpose. Let us inquire of God as to the order He wants us to have our children and let us keep asking for the purpose so that we will not truncate God's grand agenda.
 The birthing of our children is way beyond our myopic desires. God has a plan. No child is to increase birth statistics, every child has a purpose. God bless you

Copyright © 2018 Goodness Attah. All rights reserved.

Goodness Attah is a woman in ministry. She has written multiple online articles and devotions. Goodness has been encouraging women through ministry for over ten years and has had a passion to equip women to live fully and free.She and her husband live in Osun State Nigeria, Her marriage is blessed with lovely children. You can find her on Facebook

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