We are mandated to bring Marriages, homes and relationships into God's original plan.

Wednesday, June 10, 2020



Relationship is a beautiful thing, as it is the door into marriage and that period spent in a relationship is called courtship. Courtship is like the back ground of marriage that any relationship must go through.

One thing is important in your relationship, your courtship period is a reflection of what your marriage will be like and that's why you need to learn how to use it wisely.

No matter the number of years spent in your relationship, every period in it is important. For this is the period to know one another and then to learn things about yourselves.
 How then do I wisely maximize or use my courtship period?

1. Get to know one another intimately:
Many times people assumed they have come to this awareness of intimately knowing their spouse to be while some even neglect this part and feel they are set for marriage.

This is important as it is important to know the area of strength or weakness of one another coupled with  learning to take advantage of this  areas of  strengths and managing the weakness by staying strong in those areas, this will help you both in your marriage much later.
 Someone you're planning to spend your entire life time with, you really need to understand the person well and this should be given a good deal of  time.
Although, even if you commit 10 years to knowing the person, you won't know all, not because the person intent to hide but because that's just the way it is, even those who are married for years can't claim they know all about themselves.

2. Use your courtship period to "connect" with your partner:
This worked for me in making my decision about who to marry as myself and my partner has really learn to connect with ourselves and which I was not ready to lose for any lady.

You must learn to connect with your partner so much that when people come to ask you for an idea both of you can say almost the same thing. A young lady once met her parents separately, she asked to know what  her father  has to say about "Love" and then asked  her Mom also.
As she went to her mother, to her surprise, her  mother gave the same opinion exactly as  her father and that really communicated alot to her heart about relationship and marriage and what it should be.

This connection can only take place base on the measure of how  quality the  time spent together is,  especially in the place of prayers and fellowship. 

You see, one of the mistakes people make in a relationship is to know  a thing and never take time to teach their partner. It's wrong! You see, connecting with your partner has to do with measuring up and teaching yourselves or hearing the same thing.

Never leave your partner out of what you know, as much as I know a thing I try to teach my partner about it. Even to the point of talking about sex. We talk things through and share our views. This has helped me to know her thoughts about so many things as you will hear her say to me "I know that's what you will say!"

3. Use your courtship period to talk about sex:
Yes, I just said sex! You see, when it comes to this issue we become silent especially in church or as believers. We can't even boldly mention the word "penis and vagina" many of us will begin to feel uncomfortable as though it's some kind of odd words.

Some guys are impotent and they won't tell their partners. Some ladies have aborted a lot of times and kept quiet about it, your partner deserves to know all about you. We need to talk about these things.Talk about all your experiences before meeting him/her  giving every details without hiding anything.

One of the fears of couples to be is "how long is my partner's manhood?, can he satisfy me in bed, Even the most holy  lady has this fears. On the side of men is the fear of the lady especially the believer not  understanding them  sexually. As believers, deal with this fears as they can lead you to sex before marriage, instead, go into discussion with your partner in a convenient time and trust what they say to you. 
Resolve all these issues while still courting/ dating. Talk about the number of children you'll like to have. You can even agree on their gender. Kenneth E. Hagin agreed with his wife that they wanted only two children a boy and a girl. To tell you that's all that they had.

You will be amazed at the number of children your partner wants. I had a friend back then in school days, he said he love to have "twelve" children! I thought he was joking but he actually meant it. Now, you need to discuss this with your partner.

During my counseling session with  people, I do tell them If their partner's desire about the numbers of children to have is conflicting with theirs  and it's  leading to argument and no one is ready to submit to the other. for example one desires 5 children and the other 3, I tell them to do an average of it, which is 5+3=8 then divide it by 2(which means the two of you) the you have 4. That solves the problem.
Sex is important, you need to talk about how you guys will love to have it in your marriage and how it can be richly enjoyed and nothing to be denied in marriage.

4. Use your courtship period to talk about your finance:
How are we spending our money? How do we increase our income? How to save for our family. I've learn to save together with my partner and it's such a relief. I know some don't trust themselves when it comes to money area. Trust is key

You need to agree over your money before spending it. For me, it won't be difficult to keep a joint account with my partner like a family account. Though we may have separate accounts but one will be for our home.

We have practiced this for some time now and it worked. We agree basically on our money and who to give that money in our accounts to and what to do with it. The money is for the benefit of the both of us and we both honoured ourselves.

5. Use your courtship period to talk about how you want your marriage to look like:
Is possible to be in a relationship for years and NEVER spend a time talking about how you want your marriage to be. Courtship is a period to use in discussing about what your anticipations are  in your marriage and how you like to make them work. for instance ,the nature of Job you will both decide to do must be properly discussed,   As a man you may want your wife to stay at home and not work,  this must be settled. Jobs that requires you coming back home  at weekends must be a mutual agreement before taking it up. It's important you discuss about this. 

6. Use your courtship period to talk about the church you will be attending when you're married and your commitments to church activities:
We must be realistic. Our church doctrine differs and I believe it should not separate or end a relationship.

I have seen this affect a relationship and almost getting to the stage of break up. Many marriages have suffered the lost of their homes because of doctrines.

You need to talk about the church you will be attending when you guys get married. Some will say "yes, she must attend my church when we are married" but it may not be so.

In settling this, you must use the wisdom of agreeing to either your partner's church or your own church and if you didn't agree you can settle for a a neutral church.

Relationship is a blessing and the time of courtship is a time to know one another even though you may not know all but at least a student that score 70% is termed to be brilliant.

This means, your courtship period is a time to know your partner at least at an average of  70%. I realized that my partner's grandparents that celebrated 62years wedding anniversary together didn't know all about themselves because you will always see your partner improve or change for good.
Just remember that our homes are our true identity and it takes some committed efforts to build it.

Go bless you.

 Author: Tope Akinyele

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