We are mandated to bring Marriages, homes and relationships into God's original plan.

Sunday, August 23, 2020

A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE?

 A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE?


In as much as this phrase is true, there is a side of extreme to it, as some may use it as an excuse to leave a relationship that has been for years with no issues for another "promising" relationship. Yes, don't marry anyone out of pity but don't wake love before time because the hurt it will bring will be a deep hurt that will leave some scars.


Imagine having sex with someone you have been in a relationship with for years and you guys have had several abortions and now you're saying you want to break up? After you have broken and scattered her life. You must finish what you have started because you can't use this phrase to judge the reason why you must break up.


Some ladies, the guy have been spending a lot on them for years and they said they're both in love and now you're saying you want to break up because he's not educated that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage because you have found a guy in the school you get to and he seems to be from a rich home, you must be joking.


This is why you need to explore friendship before getting into a "committed" relationship. You'll always have issues as long as you're aborting the process that relationship requires that further leads into marriage. Never use this phrase on the table of mediocrity. Don't be fooled.


Tope Akinyele

The Love Transformers

#TheLoveTransformers

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIONS MAY BE DECEPTIVE...

 PHYSICAL ATTRACTIONS MAY BE DECEPTIVE...


While I will say that you should seek the physical attraction before getting into a relationship, I will also say that it can be deceptive.


Some times in relationship, what you want may be the reason why you will enter into a wrong relationship.


When the weakness of a man is known then his life is exposed and this is why as much as physical attraction is important, understand that it could be deceptive.


Most times in marriage, people don't get all they want in their partner, yet the contentment you find in their lives is rich than having all they want.


While I also understand that when you don't get what you want could be a means of distraction because you now see what you want yet you're hooked to what you don't want.


Please note that as much as having 100% of what you want in your partner, if contentment is lacking in your heart then, you are as good as someone who don't have all they wanted in their partner and are never satisfied.


I must conclude this way that physical attraction does not tell the inner configuration of a person, it just give the judgement of how the person looks and what you may be proud of publicly.


While the inner configuration may take some time to know because we seek the physical attractions that gets our eyes off the inner one. Which later, the inner configuration of such may completely make us hate the physical attraction that we once had.


Tope Akinyele

The Love Transformers

#TheLoveTransformers

STEPS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

 STEPS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED


1. BE A LOVER OF GOD

It's important to have a relationship first with God before considering entering a relationship and it shouldn't be primarily to get a right partner but to have a fellowship with God. I must say that, as much as God is important for you to choose the right partner, you'll need Him much more to keep the person. That is why you need God not just for a partner but to have a personal relationship with Him.


2. NEVER MARRY AN UNBELIEVER OR SOMEONE WHO IS LUKEWARM

I don't know why someone who is a child of God would ever try to consider marrying an unbeliever, saying he or she would change him or her. That's something you'll get yourself to weep for. It's important to marry someone who is more mature spiritually than you are or on the same level as you and not one who is even lukewarm spiritually.


3. NEVER OVERLOOK ANY NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR

Most singles today would prefer to keep a relationship on the notion of "she will change". Listen, marriage does not change people, whatever you see in your partner today during your courtship, you'll get double of it in marriage. Marriage doesn't build maturity in people, no, not all; you've got to be mature to get married. Don't overlook that negative behaviour from your partner. Ask questions.


4. LET YOUR PASTOR KNOW ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Why hide your relationship from your parents or pastor? Inform your pastor that you're in a relationship and, the purpose isn't for confirmation of if you are with the right person or not, you should have known that before now and carried him along. I am sure your pastor would want to ask you some questions to shake your doubt and help your claims that that person is the one, you may now choose to either tell him the truth, lie or keep things from him. He can't force you to marry or not to marry the person but you'll bear the consequences yourself.



5. MEET EACH OTHER'S PARENTS

Now this is the introduction that people do, but as a way to make your partner known to your parents and he should make you known to his parents. If one of you is hiding this part then maybe you're not ready for marriage. The first responsibility of getting into marriage is to be able to show your partner to your parents. They would have been expecting this so, let them be aware and get their go-ahead. Peradventure they then don't like or accept your partner, pray and ask your parents questions. They may have their reasons for it. 



6. SPEND TIME IN COURTSHIP

Though in my new book you'll get to read about this more, I will say you should take time in your courtship. Don't spend one month in courtship and then commence wedding preparations towards getting married. That may not be good enough. Most folks who come for counselling, one major problem which is common to them is that they never spend time in courtship. People don't take courtship period seriously or very important but I must tell you, you need to be serious with your courtship period. There are some things you need to know about the person you intend to marry... 


©Tope Akinyele 

The Love Transformers #TheLoveTransformers

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

COMMUNICATION SKILLS


COMMUNICATION  SKILLS

Definition: Communication skills  are abilities  you use when giving and receiving  different  kind of information.
Being able to communicate  effectively  is perhaps  the most important of all life skills. It is what enables  us to pass information  to other people,  and to understand  what is said to us. You have to watch a baby  listen  intently to its mother and trying to repeat the sound that she makes to understand  how Fundamental  is the urge  to communicate.

Communication,  at its simplest is the act of transferring  information  from one place to another. It may be vocally ( using voice), written (using print)or digital  media such as books,magazines. (Website or emails), Visually ( using logos,maps,charts or graphs), or non verbal using body , gestures  and the tone and pitch or voice ) in practice  , it is often a combination  of several  of these " Communication  skills may take a life  time to master if indeed anyone  can ever claim to have mastered them.  There are however ,many things you can do to improve  your communication skills  and ensure that you are able to transmit and receive  information effectively.

THE  IMPORTANCE  OF GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS.

Developing  your communication skills can help all aspects  of your life,  from your professional  life to social  gatherings and everything in between.
The ability  to communicate  information  accurately , clearly  and as intended  , is a vital life skill and something  that should not be overlooked. Its never too late to work on your communication  skills  and by so doing , you may as well find that you have improve your quality  of life. Communication  skills  are needed  in almost all aspects  of life.

Professionally,  if you are applying  for a job or looking  for a promotion with your current  employer,  you will almost certainly  need to demonstrate  good communication skills. Communication  skills  are needed  to speak appropriately  with a wide variety  of people  whilst maintaining  good  eye  contact,  demonstrate a varied vocabulary and tailor your language to your audience,  listen  effectively,  present your ideas appropriately,  write clearly  and concisely,  work well in a group. Many of these are essential  skills that most employers  seek. As your career  progresses,  the importance  of communication  skills increases,  the ability  to speak ,listen , question and write with clarity  and concise ness are essential  for most managers  and leaders. In your personal life, good communication  skills  can improve  your personal  relationships  by helping you to understand  others and to be understood. It is almost a cliche that personal  relationship need communication,  failure  to talk has been blamed for break down of many number of partnerships  and relationships,  but the ability  to listen  is also an important  element . Communication  is also vital in wider family  relationships  whether you want to discuss  arrangements  for holidays  or ensure that your teenage children are well and happy. Communication skills can also ensure that you are able to manage interactions  with Business and organisations. Over the course of your life time, you are likely  to have to interact  with a wide range of organisations  and institutions   including businesses, government offices, and schools. Good communication skills  can ease these interactions  and ensure  that you are able to get your point access calmly  and clearly and also take on board the responses. "Communication  is a two way process".

Communication  is not the same as broadcasting,  or simply  sending out information. It is a two-way process, in other words, it involves  both the sender and receive of the information.  It therefore  requires  both speaking and listening ,but also and perhaps  more crucially- developing a shared understanding of the information  be transmitted  and received.  If you are the sender of information  this means commun9 it clearly  to start with ( whether in writing  or face yo face) then ask questions  to check  your

Listener , understanding , you must also then listen to their replies,  and it necessary,  clarify further, if you are the recipient ,not means listening  carefully  to the information  , then checking that you have understood by refle9 back or asking questions  to endure that you both have the same understanding  of the  situation.  It is therefore an active process. There is nothing  passive about communication in either direction.

DEVELOPING  COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Good communication  skills  can improve  the way that you operate  through  life, smoothing your way in your relationships  with others. Poor  communication  skills  on the other  hand,  can sour relationships from Business  to personal , and make your life significantly  harder. Some people seems to understand  how to communicate  without eve6 trying .they are able to tailor their language,  tone and message  to their audience, and get their point across quickly  and succinctly  in a way that is heard . They are also able to pick up the message sent to them rapidly,understanding both what is said and what has to been said, Thus may seem effortless,  but the chances are that they have spent plenty  of time toning their skills.
Along the way, they have probably  also developed a good understanding  of themselves called (self-awareness) and habits of reflecting on success  and failure  and the actions  that have led  to one or the other.
Interpersonal communication skills: are the skills we use when engaged  in face to face communication  with one or more other people. Reflection  and clarification  are both common  techniques  used in verbal communication  to ensure that what you have heard and understood  is what was intended,  Reflection  is the process  of paraphrasing  and restating  what other person has just said to check that you have understood.

Clarification is the process of seeking more information to ascertain  your understanding.
Questioning skills are one very important  area of verbal communication , often used in clarification,  but also to extract  more information,  as a way to maintain  a conversation.
Listening  is also a vital interpersonal communication skill. Listening  is an essential  part of receiving information. When we communicate,  we spend 45% of out time listening.  Most people take listening  for granted ,but it is not the same  as hearing and should be thought  as a skill.

OTHER COMMUNICATION SKILLS: communication skills encompass far more than simple  verbal and non - verbal  communication,  even in a wide range of circumstances.
Presentation skills: many of us only  use presentation skills  infrequently, however,  there  will probably be times in your life, when you need to present  information to a group of people,  either in a formal or informal setting.  Presentations  are far more than simply standing up in front  of a screen  and talking your  way  through set of slides, They also include  the ability  to get your point across  in a meeting,  both small  and large, even  pitching your business idea to a potential investor.
Writing skills: Communication skills are not limited  to direct interaction with other people and the spoken word. The ability  to write clearly  and effectively  is also key to communication.  This set of skills should not be limited  to journalists  or professional authors  only. Poor written  communication  can be frustrating  for the reader and potentially  damaging  for the author .
Personal  skills  : are the skills that we use to maintain a healthy  body and mind, but they can also enhance  communication , eg improving your self esteem  and building your confidence  can help you feel more positive  about yourself and abilities.

Good communication  is also linked to assertiveness  or standing up for what you believe.  Communication  is a complex subject with many areas  and skills to consider.  Finally  being  able to communicate  effectively  is also a skill like any other.  It too ca  be learned, given time. Any  can make a start on improving  their communication  skills  at any time and the investment  of time and effort  is likely  to pay off rapidly.


Written by Sese Maureen

Sunday, July 26, 2020

LOVE OR INFATUATION?

LOVE OR INFATUATION?


 Knowing the differences
Good evening everyone. The topic before us tonight is Love and Infatuation.
Love and infatuation are quiet similar but not the same and its going to take somethings for you to be able to differentiate if what you feel is Love or infatuation.
 As a typical Ondo man, I can differentiate when a real pounded yam is served and when a cocoa yam is being served as one. So is a case of Love and infatuation.
Infatuation is a state of bring carried away by unreasoning passion. It occurs at the beginning of a relationship when sexual attraction is central, while Love is a feeling of intense affection for another.

Infatuation is temporary and goes away after a period of time. It is delusional and not real while Love is real and may continue throughout one’s lifetime.
What are the differences between love and infatuation?
Love develops gradually with time but infatuation occurs sharp sharp. U just start having butterflies in your belly once you see the person.
Love accepts the whole person, dirtiness, flaws, imperfections and all but infatuation flourishes on perfection.

Love is more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses soly on the physical features.
Love survives arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments.
Love improves your overall disposition but infatuation brings out Jealousy and obsessiveness.
Love is energizing but infatuation drains.
Lastly, love last a long time, it becomes deeper and powerful with time but infatuation is powerful but has a short life span.

So my brothers and Sisters, before we jump into any conclusion about marriage, lets ask ourselves and be sure if what we feel is Love or infatuation.
Dear brothers, don’t be carried away by her shape, curve, beauty, class, the way she talks, the way she carries herself, her mode of talking, her red lips abi na pink lips, her posture, her charisma, her spiritual prowess, speaking in tongues, her sweet voice etc.. cos ALL THOSE THINGS WILL FADE!

Dear Sister, don’t be carried away by his handsomeness, his money, gifts, stature, mode of dressing, mode of talking, hair-cut, sweet voice, spirituality, calmness, fairness, constant calls and texts, mid nght chats and all, cos ALL THOSE THINGS WILL FADE!
Above all, let us seek the originator of love, Our Lord JESUS to direct and to lead us through.
“Plenty talk no dey fill basket. Na brease dey carry am go.” I hope this helps.
And remember this “When true love comes, you don’t need any preparation for it”



Written by Olamide Olowo

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

KEEPING A SPIRITUAL COVERING OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

KEEPING A SPIRITUAL COVERING OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Every phase of life has both the physical and spiritual, of which the spiritual controls what happens in the physical. The spiritual is so powerful and vital that it's determines what the physical would be like.
This is because we are spiritual beings created by a supernatural Creator, God.
God himself is the spiritual cover we are talking about. His hands keeps us safe even as we go through the darkest periods of our lives.
Therefore we need a spiritual covering to sustain us as spiritual being, so that we can be complete and effective on the physical. So also this applies to our relationship, romantic relationship.

For you to have a smooth, sweet and happy relationship, God must be the center of the relationship and you must be able to hold hands together with your partner to surrender that relationship to the Creator of it and via bended knees uphold a spiritual covering over your relationship.

How do you and I uphold a spiritual covering over our individual relationship?

1. Prayer and God's: This is a very great weapon that works great wonders in every aspect of life (Luke 18:1; 1Thess.5:17). And studying the word is a way of knowing the mind of God concerning every issue. God also speak to us via his words.
Always put everything before the Lord in prayer. There are periods that comes in every relationship whereby things seem to be difficult and folks seems not to understand each other. You need prayer to uphold each other during this period. Prayer also helps to shun off the craftiness of the devil.
The devil never wants to see a growing relationship not to talk of it leading to marriage. This is because he knows that once the home is good and effective, the world would get it right and become a better place. That is why the devil is busy moving around to make sure relationships don't lead to marriage and marriages doesn't stand.
In prayer and the study of God's word cooperatively, God reveals deep truth and secret to us, and we therefore have an understanding of how to prepare ahead for whatever awaits us. You must always pray about your plans and vision together. Put God first.

2. Be Open-minded: As a Christian folk, you must have an open mind towards your partner and your relationship. Let your relationship be based on truth and openness, because the holy Spirit will not dwell in the midst of liars and deceivers. Let your communication with each other be effective, don't hide anything from each other.
Also, have an open mind towards the word of God for your life and relationship. Let go and let God through his words, build and nurture you to be able to uphold a spiritual covering over your relationship.
Let go of things that needed and take up things that are needed as well. Unlearn and relearn.

3. Trust: Lack of trust between you and your spouse is one of the strongest instrument the devil uses to set partners and relationships apart. The moment trust is off, that moment the spiritual covering over your relationship begins to go down. When partners don't trust each other, the devil sees it as an avenue to implant lies and terrible thought into the mind of each of them, hence resulting in to frequent misunderstanding and afterwards separation if vital steps are not taken on time.
Don't create a loop hole for the devil to ruin your relationship because of your insecurities and lack of trust.
If you suspect or sense anything, ask questions from your partner, rather than doubting and making unhealthy conclusions, thereby allowing the devil have access to your mind.

4. Self and Joint Evaluation: From time to time, try to evaluate yourselves individually and also together as partners. Find out areas in your relationship or personal life where you need to work on and those areas you've succeeded so far (2 Corinthians 3:5a). Praise, commend and scold each other where needed. Be real about it.

5. Flee Unrighteousness and Uphold Holiness: Galatians 5:16-26. Truly this may seem difficult to fulfill in a romantic relationship, but as children of God and children of light, we must try our best and ask for the help of the holy spirit to be able to uphold his righteousness, so that our relationship can be godly. We can't keep sinning and expect God to still give his covering over us (Romans 6:1).

God's hands of protection is always ready to be on you and over your relationship. All you need do is to reach out to that righteous hands with a heart of righteousness and let God always be the center of your relationship.
I pray that God's covering will not be taken off our lives and relationship. Amen.


Written by Temitope James

Thursday, July 16, 2020

The Honeymoon Guide



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When you ask people what they think they know about the honeymoon, some will sincerely say they don't know, some will ignorantly say it's just to have sex and that's all. You see, as you make plans for your wedding event, it's important to make clear plans for your honeymoon as well.

You'd always think you know all about your partner but you may be wrong especially if you have not taken time to talk about some things that are important in your courtship. It  is your honeymoon that will reveal to you some things you don't know. Truth is, you can't know all about your partner, even in marriage you'll still know more and you'll learn more about your partner. 


The honeymoon was clearly shown in the scriptures that it should be for a year, where the husband and the wife are both not expected to go to work but to enjoy their honeymoon for one whole year and if the scriptures places such importance on honeymoon for it to be observed for a whole year, then there is more to it. But, of course in our days no company can give you one year. Even if you were the CEO of your company you wouldn't give yourself one whole year. You would be preoccupied with how your business would grow, thinking about your company when you ought to have all your mind on the honeymoon. 



 
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The highest period a company or an organization can give you is three months, I don't even know of any company that can give you such period for your honeymoon, and believe me, whenever you are back, if you're a lady, the first thing they would think or look at is your belly, hoping that a life has been implanted already and developing. Some of your friends may even tease you about your honeymoon, especially on sex. They may say, " _How was the moon_ ?" " _Did you enjoy the moon?_ " " _I can see you enjoyed it._ " They may tease you and all you do is just smile. Some who may be close might even dare to ask you some intimate questions about your husband being good in bed or if your wife is good at sex. This is because they believe you are both friends and it's not a time to be angry with them, but just understand their intentions. They could just be pulling your legs while some could even mean those questions; just interested in knowing how things went during your honeymoon. The issue is, everyone thinks of sex being what the honeymoon is all about, but, it's more than that.


N800
                
Emmanuel Agbeluyi has carefully given a guide to help you restructure your mind/understanding and prepare your heart towards what honeymoon is all about and I must say that this knowledge will open your eyes to see that honeymoon is beyond sex. People only take just a part of it and then give it to others making them think that is what honeymoon is all about. Would God place sex as the only essence of the honeymoon? This is why my friend has written this book to bring to you what you need to know about the honeymoon. Read and be blessed.                                            
                                                                                                      TOPE AKINYELE


YOU CAN BUY NOW BY MAKING A TRANSFER OF N800 TO THIS ACCOUNT DETAIL:

ACCOUNT HOLDER : EMMANUEL AGBELUYI

MERCHANT BANK: WEMA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 0245934425

 AFTER MAKING PAYMENT CALL OR CHAT : 2347035566235/2348068403742   to confirm your payment and to receive the book on whatsapp or email.
                                               

WHY SOME RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST...

WHY SOME RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST...

Everyone desires to find love but they don't know what it takes to keep love. It's important to find love and also understand how to keep love. But, there are few reasons why some relationships don't last into marriage. But, truth be told not all relationshipa MUST end in marriage.

1. MUTUAL COMMITMENT: When people are in a relationship and one is committed to the relationship and the other is not in a relationship that can kill the relationship faster. Mutual commitment in relationships is the strength of any relationship and we must ensure that we're both committed in our relationships. A weak relationship is a relationship that lacks mutual commitment.

2. LACK OF UNDERSTANDING: People who are in a relationship will come from different family backgrounds and this will reveal their individual differences. Even those who came from the same home will still show some differences. But, understanding one another is a beauty of relationship and when this is meaning, it will produce many misunderstanding and this may halt the relationship.

3. LACK OF VISION FOR MARRIAGE: When two individuals who are in a relationship don't understand the purpose for which they're in a relationship which obviously ahead of marriage, they will go out of the vision for their relationship and marriage ahead. So you should have a vision that is spelt out for marriage

4. THE PROPHETS COME INTO THE RELATIONSHIP: Most promising relationships ended on the note of a prophet said, most common one is that the partner will die early or that they will be poor in the marriage, some will even tell them that they see problems in the marriage. Even the relationship that seem to start on conviction fall of this. When God gives a word for your relationship or marriage it's important to stay on it even if a prophet gives a negative or a contrary word, see that as an opportunity to pray about that thing and not to end your relationship. God's word is higher than man.


Written by Tope Akinyele

DEVELOPING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS.

DEVELOPING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH  IN-LAWS.

Love is a beautiful thing, so is marriage. But for a couple to enjoy a blissful married life, they must put into cognisance their families especially Parents.
Many young couple make the serious mistake of thinking they got married to their spouse and their spouse alone. That's where the problem begins. In-laws especially Parents affect your relationships in countless ways that leave you grounded for life. What your parents think of your special someone, or the way you handle your relationship/ marriage definitely wreaks havoc on your love life.

You want your marriage to be heaven on Earth without any form of wahala ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜† Have a perfect relationship with your Spouse's family. How then can we achieve that?

1. See Them as your family: Yes I know vividly that it might not be easy to achieve, but since you love your spouse enough to get married to him/her, try as much as possible to accept the family also. Making them your own, allows you to overlook their flaws and excesses. For instance, no matter how harsh your biological parent chastise you, you still accept it as an act of love and correction. No matter how wicked or unruly they might be, accept them for who they are and with wisdom deal with them.

2. Avoid Negative Talk: Under no circumstances should you use negative statements or languages on your In-laws. No matter how upset and frustrated you might be. Words spoken can't never be erased. Even if misunderstandings are settled, the negative words still remain.

3. Deal with your misunderstandings privately: No two human can live under the same roof without conflict. However, when misunderstandings between couples occurs, deal with it and solve together without any form of interference (,If possible). Never speak ill of your partner to your family, because that will form a perception in their heart about your spouse.

4. Be intentional: Having healthy relationship with your in-laws sometimes isn't so easy to come by, so you and your spouse must be intentional about creating an avenue to be loved. Care for them, get them gifts, honour and celebrate their special days, be concerned about their welfare. Plan family Hangouts and dinners. Let it be a duty of both the man and woman to speak well of their partner to their families.

5. Show Gratitude: Appreciate the little and big things they do for you. Every one loves to be appreciated. Always thank them for the calls, visits, help etc, it makes them feel honoured.

6. Overlook the Little Irritants: Truth is, sometimes you will be vexed, infact some people from your Spouse's family would intentionally want to stress you out. But it's important you overlook somethings. Forgive easily. Not only do you forgive, you also forget and move on.

7. Don't Feel Obligated to Strain Your Home Relationship to Accommodate Them.: What you wouldn't accept should remain so. Be firm with your decisions and live with it. Your personal relationship with your spouse is however much more important than with in-laws, so any form of action that will affect it should be reviewed by the couples.

However, it's also important that  you do not Tolerate Abuse. Trying to develop and maintain an healthy relationship with your in-laws does not mean you accept every form of abuse. Be it emotional or physical. Let's your spouse know about it if there's any, and work out flexible plans to stop it.

Above all, Let God be the Driver of your ship called Marriage. His wisdom does it all. Do you know prayer still works. God has the heart of Kings in his hands.You have tried all you can to achieve that healthy relationship and it's not working out well as planned, go on your kneel, He alone can make all things perfect including our marriage. Shallom


Written by Obademi Oluwatosin Olayemi (July 2020)

Thursday, July 9, 2020

THE DANGER OF DESPERATION

THE DANGER OF DESPERATION

credit:unsplash.com


So that we do not make too light or too heavy of the word DESPERATION, let us first make corporate meaning of it.
Desperation is described by English Dictionary as "a state of despair or utter hopelessness, abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness, defiance of consequences".

Desperation on its own is a "dangerous" act. No one achieves "good" success through desperation. Please take note of the good which qualifies the success. You may be thinking to yourself now; "but i hit that target through desperation or I got him/her through desperation, what is he talking about?" I am talking about making "good" success, a sustainable success, replicable success, transparent achievement, etcetera.

Since this is a relationship forum, we shall narrow our topic down to DANGERS OF DESPERATION IN RELATIONSHIPS/Marriages. The definition we looked at above makes us to understand that when one becomes desperate or acts desperately, he/she is acting devoid of hope. Simply put, the person abandons hope and reasoning and goes after whatever the target is "by all means within reach", disregarding the consequences. What jumps at us from that point is that, no matter how one ignores it, there are consequences of desperation.

Again, let's not confuse desperation with "tenacity" or pressing hard/on. While desperation is an act of recklessness, pressing hard or tenacity is a fine quality which is characterised by doggedness, perseverance, hope, assurance, knowledge, etcetera.

HOW DOES DESPERATION DEVELOP?

1. Abandonment of Hope: As the definition points out, the act of desperation is preceded by hopelessness. The moment you despair, the moment your faith is shaken, you begin to get agitated, eager, desperate and begin to give into wrong ideas in the bid to achieve your goal.


2. Greed: When you think there are things to gain in that relationship/marriage rather than things to give, you will trade caution/reason for scheming. Greed is an undeniable ingredient of desperation. So if you notice there is greed in your thought pattern, kindly weed it out.

Position yourself as the giver and prepare yourself thus.

3. Low Self Esteem: Low self esteem is that "undeserving" mindset. It is basically caused by ignorance. As a lady, have you ever seen a man and the first thought that drops in your mind is "ahh! Can this type of guy even notice someone like me?" And vice versa with men...
This feeling may lead an individual to go the extra mile in order to feel accepted or worthy of that particular person.

4. Inadequate Preparedness: Daniel said in the book of Daniel 9:2 - "In the first year of his reign I Daniel understood by books the number of the years, whereof the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah the prophet, that he would accomplish seventy years in the desolations of Jerusalem". One abuses what he/she does not have full knowledge of.

Talking about relationship or marriage, get to know the foundation/origin of marriage, then look up the precepts of marriage according to its origin. Look out for those who are successful at it and those who are experts at it (relationship teachers and marriage counselors) and learn from them.

 Then, prepare and ready yourself to apply, to the latter the precepts of a Godly/successful marriage.
In Luke 14:28, it says "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"

Now that we know a few things that cause desperation, HOW DO WE DO AWAY WITH DESPERATION?
This question has a simple answer, get to know your God and depend solely on what He can give you. The men and women of exploits in Christ you see today are those who live by the code: "IF MY GOD CAN NOT GIVE ME, THEN I DO NOT NEED IT".

Sir/Ma! If you do not fear God, you are capable of doing "anything" to get to anywhere or get anyone. Lack of fear for God is a propeller for desperation. Talking about your father in heaven and relationship/marriage, it is written in the book of James 1:17 - "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning".

 In the book of 2nd Peter 1:3 says - "According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:". And in Isaiah 34:16, it says there - "Seek ye out of the book of the Lord, and read: no one of these shall fail, none shall want her mate: for my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath gathered them".

I believe the three quoted scriptures should assure everyone reading this to do away with desperation (If applicable) and remain hopeful that your marriage shall not only be established, but it shall be established according to God's will (where only "good and perfection" come from) for you.

Just to reiterate before I conclude, desperation brings the following:
1. Shame
2. Disgrace
3. Disappointment/heartbreak
4. Demotion
5. Settling for less
6. Mockery, etcetera.

Conclusively, to encourage you further, let me share a practical experience;

"For as long as I can remember, I have always prayed for God's will to be done for me in marriage. I got into a relationship in my final year in the university, hoping it will lead to marriage. I was not ready and neither was the relationship right. Over several years it led to naught. I got into another one when I thought I was ready before seeking God's face on the matter (I did it in reverse, seeking direction after embarking on the journey) and our merciful father told me vividly to wait till the following year, while seeking His face.

As a stubborn brother, I went back to fast again after receiving that answer, asking this our God what I should do with the relationship I was in (as If He led me into it). I became confused, fell into despair at a later part of that relationship and even lost faith in marriage. I gave myself all the reasons why marriage is not  meant for everyone, using Paul the Apostle who could serve God the he did, pleasing Him so well without marriage.

And yes, men can get desperate about marriage too.
That was when I decided to forget about everything relationship and marriage and pursue my career to the apex.

Alas! The "next year" I had forgotten about came. I got a break from work and decided to visit a family in another state from my state of residence. While there, I enrolled in a three weeks Bible school. I was determined to get value for my time. In the Bible School, the Holy Spirit visited me, speaking audibly.

 There I was led to a sister who is now my wife. Over zealous me that year, I almost rejected that directive, arguing that I was not there for that purpose. But He reminded me of the answer to my prayer (...to wait till the following year...) and gave me peace of mind.

When I got to know the sister in a courtship that lasted for a year, I discovered she had stood her ground for God's choice. She rejected over 30 suitors because she never had the leading to accept any of them. She told me she got the directive that her husband will find her in that Bible School while she was praying and preparing for the school. And when I showed up, she was at peace to accept me".

As fairytale as this story sounds, it is true and it is my story.
Do not get carried away by the many "suitable" suitors that come your way and get desperate to run into making a decision for yourself without God's prompting. Again, do not get carried away by the fact that no one has looked in your direction and get desperate to scheme your way into someone's life, so that time will not run out. Time will only run out when Jesus returns or when God decides to call you home.

There were richer and more well established men amongst the over 30 suitors who came the sister's way, but she accepted me "a civil servant", whose bank accounts where in minus, who was in debts and who was living in a wonderful cubicle.

Hallelujah the story is not the same today...

I pray this moment that the peace of our Lord Jesus, which passes all human understanding rest upon every heart reading this (married, about to marry and in a relationship), and lead you into His perfect will in Jesus mighty name.



Written by A. J. Dominic

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Building A Lasting Friendship with Your Partner.

I know most, if not all of us have heard the saying "marry your friend" right? You have probably wondered how to go about it.

 Do you start the relationship and develop the friendship along the way or you become friends before the relationship status comes in. Some of us have even tried dating or courting (whichever one suits you) our friends but it seemed like the friendship evaporated immediately we put the dating/courtship title on the relationship and we wonder what happened?

Let me tell you what happened, we assumed since we were already good friends, the relationship will take care of itself. We thought nothing could go wrong, we already know one another, the only thing changing is the fact that we upgraded our friendship nothing more. 

Wrong. You need that same deliberate effort it took to build the friendship to also build the relationship.
No friendship ever happens by chance. It's a deliberate effort. Building any relationship demands intentionality. Meeting the person might have been by chance, you didn't see it coming. It might even be an acquaintance but a conversation with that person sparked your interest and you decided to give friendship with the person a chance. You probably think, it just happened, No, you made an unconscious decision to pursue it. 
The same way you need to approach being friends with your partner with a deliberate effort. It won't just fall into your laps because you already have butterflies flying in your stomach or because he/she makes you smile unnecessarily. If that's all you are depending on, it will shock you. So how we we build this friendship?
• Take time to Study and Understand your Partner.

After you have decided to build the friendship, the first thing is to take time to know this person. Find out his/her areas of interest,(hobby, dreams and aspirations, food, relax mechanism) basically like you want to write a composition about them. Their interests would most likely be different from yours but you would always have one or two common grounds. Try to develop interest in what interests your partner. it doesn't have to become your favorite overnight but a little interest goes a long way. 

For example, most guys love football. As a lady, you don't suddenly have to become a pro at the game. You might still not enjoy watching the game but one thing you should never do is ridicule his interest and vice versa. Don't go all, "I don't understand how grown up men would be running around after one small object" it just puts him off. Imagine he ridicule your love for shoes like that, the butterflies in your stomach can die.

• Use Their Love Language.
Try to understand your partner's love language and speak it to them as often as possible. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who they feel doesn't love or appreciate them. A way to find out is by trying all the five love languages and look out for the one for which they express the most gratitude and affection or you can simply ask. 

The method to use would largely depend on your partner's personality. For someone like me, I would prefer you find out yourself, it gives me the vibe that you really care and you are willing to go to lengths to prove your love. Don't mind me, that's just my own.

• Spend time with your partner!
This one cannot be overemphasized. You can't claim to want to be my friend if you don't spend time with me. Don't be such an home buddy, go out with your partner, you can stay home sometimes though. Spend quality time, do fun stuff together, explore your areas of interest together.

 These things bring you closer and help you understand each other better. It doesn't have to be expensive outings, don't do beyond your pockets. Cut your coat according to your clothe(material). 
I know some people are already countering my with the reasons they can't do all that. Wait, don't be quick to attack me with there's no time or our job doesn't afford us time to be together as much as we want. All those are excuses. 

Thank God for technology, there are numerous ways to spend the with someone now without physically being together. You can chat(this is one of the best and cheapest ways), have long calls, plan video calls. This does not in any way throw away or reduce the importance of physically seeing your partner but they are supplementary ways for you in case you can't hangout as much as you want.

• Do Spiritual exercise together.
Setting aside marriage relationship, your connection grows stronger with that friend whom you know you can agree together with to lift up your request to God. Friends that refer you to God, the type that always reminds you of your spiritual stand in case you are drifting, the type that lifts you up in prayer. The friends that worship and share the word. That kind of friendship just hits on a whole different level. Now imagine when you have that person as a partner,  the connection would be deep. Nothing builds friendship faster than finding someone who shares same or similar value system as you.

Many steps can be written on building friendship with your partner but the most important thing is to be a person of integrity, a person that is trustworthy. Nobody wants to be friends with someone whose stand they don't seem to get. You are here and you are there. We all want to have the security that our friends are in the same corner with us, we trust them to a certain extent, it should be greater for a partner. If trust is broken in your relationship, building the friendship would be hard. Let's make sure to always have the trust and respect of our partners. God help us in Jesus name. 



Written by Oluwadamilola Olabusuyi

Sunday, July 5, 2020

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP HABITS


HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP HABITS

3 John 1:2 KJV
 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

It is God’s will that we prosper and remain healthy in our relationships.
Talking about healthy relationship here does not necessarily mean health, but a more wider understanding on keeping a long lasting relationship for a purposeful life.

First let us quickly understand the meaning of ‘Habit’ and ‘Healthy’

๐Ÿ”…HABIT: A settled or regular tendency or practice especially one that is hard to give up

๐Ÿ”…HEALTHY: This comes from the word health and simply describes been in a state of good health. We can also say it is possessing a sound health and vigorous mentality.

Now bringing these two together... I want you to take note of the words... ‘Sound’ ‘Mentality’ ‘Regular Tendency, Practice

With these I can say that a Healthy Relationship is one which has a regular tendency or practice that conforms with sound mentality.

In general, “A healthy relationship is one which possesses sound health and vigorous mentality in which the body (the individuals involved) have a sound state of mind, are physically and mentally matured and offcourse responsible for their actions.

When you purchase a car, for that car to remain at optimum, there is what we call maintenance. The car must be checked regularly for any unwanted sound, leakage, oil gauge, etc. keeping all these in check helps to preserve the longevity of the car. 
As you spend time and money maintaining your car, so also relationships require time, effort, resources to keep it healthy and these human habits are what we will be looking at in this teaching.

What makes a relationship healthy?

✳️ MATURTY

The mind must be matured. Relationships are not for children. They are not for boys and girls.

Genesis 1:27 KJVsays

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

God would not place some responsibilities in the hands of children. He needed someone to take charge and have dominion over all the cattle of the earth and he didn’t create a baby but MAN clearly indicating that relationships are not for boys and girls but two matured individuals.

In the same

Genesis 2:18 KJV
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

Note the “man”

Indicating that you must be matured to handle some situations that will or may arise in your relationship.
Maturity in mind, thoughts (thinking ability), spending, care, understanding, etc

This also applied to the lady. Both individuals should be able to settle their differences with a third party interference.

✳️ BE RESPONSIBLE
You are responsible for your actions. Whatever decisions you take, you should be ready to flow with the resulting action. The blame game should be shelved aside.

Let me quickly talk to the men here... Everyman is a father figure.

Listen the word Father in Greek interpretation means “pata” meaning “source” “sustainer”

For a relationship to be sustained, the majority lies on you as the man. You are the source. When God created man, the Bible says he formed the woman out of the man.... the man is the source. All the offsprings comes from you.

Now why does most men have the tendency of calling their lady “baby”..... it flows naturally right? Yes she is your baby and you are to treat her as one.
Women are looking for Father not husbands. 

There are too many husbands in the world today and that is why we have so much marital problem.
Be responsible for you actions.
Ladies be responsible, take up some duties, don’t wait on him all the time. You can spring up positive surprises, you could spice up your relationships with great ideas. Just be responsible.

✳️ COMMUNICATE
Over and over again, communication has proven to be a very essential commodity in sustaining relationships. If you want a healthy relationship, communicate. Get feedback, act on it. 

*Ask questions
*Be there for each other
*Ask questions
*Be attentive(listen to each other)

✳️TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
For your relationship to remain healthy, you need to take care of yourselves. You have to be physically sound. Your health is important.

✳️ BE FLEXIBLE
Remove that rigidity, work on that principle of yours. It is two individuals involved, making decisions to foster peace. You have to be open to each other and be flexible enough to accommodate ideas and innovations.

✳️BE DEPENDABLE
Don’t make plans and promises you can not keep. Let the trust button be on high alert

✳️FIGHT FAIR
Conflicts are bound to arise. Listen before you talk. Let the talking be one at a time while the other listens. Do not judge, correct where possible in love. The Bible says Let all things be done with dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil, cling to that which is good.

✳️BE PROTECTIVE
Show it. Be protective of your relationship. Don’t overlook important matters

✳️BE YOURSELF
You are you. You are an original. Don’t compare your relationship with another. Don’t try to meet up, don’t go overboard. Don’t order for food items when you are not financially sound. Don’t buy things on credit to please yourselves. Just maintain your level and rely on God

✳️LIVE THE SCRIPTURE
Let your life reflect the scriptures. Your relationship should be patterned according to the will and purpose of God. Let Christ be seen in your relationship. He should be your first point of call in any arising challenges or progress.

✳️ USE THE MAGIC WORD
Learn to say “I am sorry” It is very magical. It mends the broken heart. Don’t forget these words in your dictionary. It is very essential in any purpose driven relationship.

✳️BE AFFIRMING
Ladies love to be assured over and over again. Never hide your feelings. Show it, affirm it.
Ladies if you love him please show it. We are all humans and we love TLC (Tender Love and Care)

To everyone of us in relationships, I pray for Grace to pull through and fulfill God’s desires for us.

If you’re having challenges with keeping up, pray for strength, wisdom and understanding and happiness shall be all yours in Jesu name.

A beautiful relationship is my prayer for you.

God bless you



Written by Charles Utomi

Saturday, July 4, 2020

THE NEED FOR TOLERANCE

THE NEED FOR TOLERANCE

Tolerance is defined as the  ability to endure pain or hardship.The ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with. It  also mean forbearance or endurance, Patience, love, humility, wisdom and understanding works hand in hand with tolerance. So we need these and many more in the journey of tolerance
Tolerance is about creating a common ground for agreement
Tolerance as simple as it may sound is needed to live the present and for the walk/work  to eternal life

Need for tolerance
We need tolerance to be able to live the God kind of life. God specifically gave instructions on how to live because He knew we will need it. Lack of tolerance has being in existence right from the beginning of creation and it has so much increased in the last days. 

This act/behavior doesn't please God at all so,in  His wisdom he gave his children instructions on how to tolerate and live in peace.

Col.3:13 forbearing one another and forgiving one another if any man have a quarrel against another: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Tolerance is needed to live in peace with one another. Yes! It is expedient that we endure and overlook certain things. We are human with different thoughts, believes and behaviours and  If as a person you can't tolerate other people, there will be problem. You might end up being alone. 

We know it is difficult to live in peace with some people but let's see what the scripture says about it. I love how Good news translation puts it

Romans12:18
Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.

Ephesians 4:1-3(KJV)
I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

We need tolerance to live in peace with all men.
You can't enjoy life without tolerance
Tolerance (endurance, forbearance) is needed  to do God's work. 

The work of the Lord needs all the endurance and help one can get! This present world's gospel can't be preached and practiced without forbearance and its accomplice (mentioned above).

The Apostles of old walked this path and left footprints for us to follow
Paul by the wisdom and help of the Lord tolerated sinners just to win them to christ. Let's see one of his acts in 1cor.9;19-23(Living Bible)
And this has a real advantage: I am not bound to obey anyone just because he pays my salary; yet I have freely and happily become a servant of any and all so that I can win them to Christ.
 20 When I am with the Jews I seem as one of them so that they will listen to the Gospel and I can win them to Christ. When I am with Gentiles who follow Jewish customs and ceremonies I don’t argue, even though I don’t agree, because I want to help them.
 21 When with the heathen I agree with them as much as I can, except of course that I must always do what is right as a Christian. And so, by agreeing, I can win their confidence and help them too.
22 When I am with those whose consciences bother them easily, I don’t act as though I know it all and don’t say they are foolish; the result is that they are willing to let me help them. Yes, whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so that he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him.
23 I do this to get the Gospel to them and also for the blessing I myself receive when I see them come to Christ.

The need for tolerance to do God's work cannot be over emphasized!
As a minister ( pastor, choirister, teacher, head of department, worker, member) you cannot minster to others effectively if you don't have tolerance.
Tolerance is needed for a healthy and life giving relationship.

I'll be talking about different kinds of relationships here
Love relationship

Why do we have so many breakups?

Why do people say I can't take his/her shit?
Why do you think people often say this  proverb; whatever you can't accept when you are rich is rejected right from when you're poor
There is no way you can love without tolerance! True love comes with tolerance
Am I saying you should tolerate everything? No! There are certain things that can't be tolerated but can be dealt with with wisdom.

God wasn't unwise when He said we should submit unto one another in the fear of God(Eph5:21). You cannot submit if you are not ready to tolerate.
You need tolerance to be able to handle your differences
It is needed for a peaceful relationship with in-laws and your spouse's friends

Work relationship
I have seen people fail interviews because they lack tolerance! Employers value this attribute a lot because they know its a great tool for team work and productivity
Check out those people who don't tolerate others at work. They are loners!  No matter how good they are, they just won't fit in well.

As an employer or an employee you need to be able to endure a lot of things
Tolerate some of your boss' excesses
Tolerate some of your employee's malfunctions
Tolerate your teammates' excesses
Tolerate your junior staff's excesses and malfunctions
Just be patient and understanding enough to turn those ashes into beauty for a better outcome

Family and friend relationship
Tolerance is needed in a family for it to be a happy family
It is needed to help each other find their paths and grow. We all have different characters and paths to play  in life. Children of same parents are not the same and might not share the long aged family traits. We all have that unique one that behaves differently.

So how do we help each child?
It's through tolerating their uniqueness and nursing it to grow positively. Helping them find confidence to survive in a world filled with negativity
Only parents who are tolerant can raise children with same trait! They raise  Children with sound mind and healthy self esteem

Let's talk about the friend relationship
We all know how tolerance has helped grow our social life.
From my own finding, I realised it is easy for young folks to tolerate friends than anyone else
You see people of different temperament not giving up in each other despite the great difference
What's the advantage?
It helps build a healthy social life.
It creates a common ground for all round growth
Reduces negativity


Written by Deborah Olorunsola

Friday, July 3, 2020

FINDING GOD AND YOURSELF BEFORE A PARTNER


FINDING GOD AND YOURSELF BEFORE A PARTNER
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Relationships and the need for companionship are an integral part of life. Yes, two shall become one but it is not two halves becoming one rather its the coming together of two wholesome people uniting as one.

Finding God
Before you can truly find yourself and by extension a partner, there's a relationship you need to begin and commit to first. Finding God first means coming to know and discover yourself in the light of His Word. Seeing yourself as He sees you. His love is the first love you should accept and bask in.

All the hallmarks of a successful relationship should first be seen in your relationship with Him: Love, trust, commitment, passion, sacrifice etc.
This is what makes you a better and well equipped person for that lifetime commitment. That which will come from within and flow to your partner actually comes from Him.

A lot of people are born again but some aren't actively pursuing a tangible relationship with their maker.
You should have a friend, lover, colleague, counselor and such in your partner but you should partake of these in God first. He should be your first port of call. Putting all of that on your partner, outside of the divine connection will not work because no matter how good a person he or she is, the human factor cannot be ignored.
Your relationship will feel light and stress free because you're not directly or indirectly expecting your partner to play a role only God can play for you.

Finding yourself

There are somethings only you can do for yourself, your partner can only support, show care but you are ultimately responsible for yourself. You need to first be whole on your own before seeking a partner else you might just put unnecessary strain on the relationship. Be happy while single. Marriage doesn't bring happiness, you bring happiness into marriage. The happiness in marriage is a responsibility for you both, something you both bring to the table not a constant factor automatically activated by the joining in holy matrimony.

If you're not happy on your own, no one else can make you happy. If you can't spend time on your own and by yourself, you will choke your partner with incessant need. People can be married, yet lonely.
The phrase "I can't live without you" is very popular but ideally, it should be "I don't want to live without you". As a matter of choice, not necessity because as a person, you should be enough for yourself. This is one of the reasons people find it hard to leave abusive relationships because they have built the entire structure of their life around that person.

Putting all of the responsibility for your spiritual, physical or emotional wellbeing, your success or happiness on your partner is a recipe for disaster.
Discover your strengths and weaknesses and how to out them to use, go for your goals. Your partner is there to complement and not to replace you.
Make sure you possess the very values you're hoping to find in your partner.

Finding a partner

The goal is not to find a perfect person but someone whom you can complement each other's strengths and weaknesses and grow together. Compatibility is a key ingredient here. Similarities hold outweigh differences. If y รณ ure always at odds with each other over almost every lillte thing then you're really in for it. You should know what you want realistically, and not settle for less. Ultimately, the ideal partner should be someone who is willing to give as good as they get, not someone who would drain the life out of you. Someone who equally knows what they want out of life, out of marriage and are willing to do what they can within reason to get it. I mean, make the lifetime commitments and sacrifices. If you have found God and found yourself, it's only reasonable that you be with someone who has done so too. Actually, you attract what you are so those set of people should come your way.
While God will not choose for us, if we're walking the way of the kingdom, the people we meeelt should also be walking the same way.

Does this person share the same values and belief system with you? Your children should have the same set of core values instilled in them, not different and opposing values from mom and dad.

A relationship with God, a relationship with yourself and a relationship with who you choose as a partner. This is the recipe for a lasting and stable lifetime commitment.

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Written by Pipeloluwa Adebayo

Thursday, June 25, 2020

THE TWO(2) KEY FACTORS OF FATHERHOOD


IMAGE BY Steven Van Loy
Dr. Myles Munroe Munroe said "inherent in every male is the ability to be a father" this I find to be true. The word father has two vital words in it which are: Source and Sustainer.

Fatherhood is more than just bringing a child to the world.

 Fatherhood means to be the source and the sustainer of what came out of you. So briefly we will be looking at this two:

#1 SOURCE.

Fathers must understand that inherent in them is the ability to name things. Adam was the one who named his wife and that's where the idea of naming things came from and today we have seen a lot of names people give things.

The name father is placed on anyone who is the source of anything. We have the fathers of science, we have the fathers of faith, we have the fathers of cars and the rest.Infact people do refer to men who started a nation as "founding fathers"

It's because they're the source of that thing. They founded it and anyone who found a thing is a father. The source of that particular thing came from that which they brought forth. Every fathers are the source of a thing.

#2 SUSTAINER

It's not enough to be a source but you should also be able to sustain what you found or what you brought forth. Fathers are both source and sustainer of a thing.

Fathers have the ability to sustain what came out of them. Every father understands that when the part of sustaining what they brought forth is missing their work as a father is not effective.

That's why you'll see that every fathers or those who manufacture a thing loves to sustain that thing. They don't just do the work of producing a thing but they do the work of also sustaining that thing. So as a father now and I mean biologically, don't just bring a child forth, your job is not complete if you can't sustain what you brought forth.

ALSO READ: HOW TO CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT OF LOVE FOR YOUR CHILDREN


BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP THAT LAST INTO MARRIAGE

BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP THAT LAST INTO MARRIAGE


I noticed that a lot people have not come to understand how to build a relationship that last. Especially how to get such relationship into marriage. This is really becoming a challenge especially in the times that we're in, that people hardly get a well definite and meaningful relationship to get into.

Today, you'll hardly see a relationship that can not escape sex. This is because people base sex to be love in a relationship and without it, the relationship may not make process. You'll agree with me that when building anything it demands time. It needs to be well planned and well constructed especially laying right foundation for the construction that will be placed on it.


image by Evereton villa on unsplash


Let me say some things you need in building a relationship

1. Time and patience

Time and patience are vital in building a relationship that last. Don't expect to start a relationship today and expect that relationship to just be a your desired it. No, it doesn't work that way. You need time to build a relationship that will last. When time is not committed to a relationship, the whole investment that may be put into the relationship may collapse.

So the required ingredient for building a relationship is time and patience. It has a purpose, the purpose is, so that it will yield an expected result or above your expectation. This is because the person you're getting into a relationship with is not from your family. Even your siblings you can't boldly say you know all about them. So time and patience are important.


2. Knowledge, Understanding and Wisdom

Dr. Myles Munroe put these three this way that knowledge means information, understanding means comprehension and wisdom means application. So it's no enough to have the information of how to build a relationship that last but it's important to understand it and then apply it.

What's the essence of being an architect and you can't draw plans of a house and you can't e build a good one and you say you're a professional. So, Knowledge of building a relationship is not enough, even understanding it but applying the information that you have comprehended is vital for building a strong relationship that will last.

3. You need men...

I have not seen a single man that understands the importance of people that doesn't need men to build with him. You need men because you'll need right people who will give you right counsel a the accurate time.

Men who will seek to also help build your relationship with counsel that will move your relationship forward are vital. These men may come in terms of the books you read or your Pastors or friends. You need men.


HOW TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP THAT LAST INTO MARRIAGE.

1. Building on the foundation of friendship.

I wrote in my book that friendship must come before entering into a relationship and having relationship before friendship is to place the cart before the horse. Building friendship first before building relationship will help you come to a place where you and your partner connect.

Friendship last even beyond relationship and goes on forever in marriage. Building your relationship on the foundation of friendship is to have a strong foundation for your building


2. Building on a strong and effective communication.

Communication is vital in a relationship and when communication is not effective in a relationship then the relationship will be dying. Death comes to a relationship that lacks or is not effective in communication.

For communication to be effective, it has to be consistent. Consistent is saying one another's heart or mind. A mind or thief that is not expressed can not be easily discerned. When thoughts are not verbal, it brings various assumptions into the heart which may birth a wrong perception. Communicating your love one for another is vital and it has to be consist for it to be effective.


3. Build with trust.

If you know you don't trust someone you intend to be in a relationship with, there is no need to be in a relationship with such. A relationship that is not built on trust will crash. Trust is an effective block to build a relationship with in other have a good structure for marriage. To have a relationship that last, it's important to note that you must put in mind that you must make your relationship work. This same principle works for marriage.

  ALSO READ : 6 UNDENIABLE THINGS THAT MAKES A MAN HAPPY

Monday, June 22, 2020

SEVEN (7) UNHEALTHY SYNDROME YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO

Syndrome itself means it's not healthy. So let's see this unhealthy syndrome people don't pay attention to.
 1. MY PARTNER WILL CHANGE SYNDROME
People always believe that their partner will change in marriage simply because they think marriage change people. Marriage don't change people and it doesn't bring maturity on people. Your relationship is the relationship of what your marriage will look like and you'll always have double of what you see in marriage.

2. LOVE IS BLIND SYNDROME
People have this love is blind syndrome in their relationships and when they blindly get into a relationship with their partner, marriage will do a deliverance for them that will open their eyes that they're walking in ignorance. Love that is blind is not love, love opens the eyes to see correctly and to chastise where necessary.

3. TASTING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE SYNDROME
On sex, most ladies fall into the syndrome of allowing their boyfriend to have sex with them before marriage, just to see if the lady is good ob bed or not. But, this is not necessary, you don't have to taste before eating in marriage.

4. COMMUNICATION SYNDROME
A relationship that lacks communication is dying gradually and the truth is, a relationship is as a good as dead when it lack communication. Never underestimate the power of communication in your relationship.

5. PREGNANCY BEFORE MARRIAGE SYNDROME
Some will say unless you're pregnant for me, we may never marry. This is not even a good sign why you should marry a guy. Why doubt the person's fertility. It's better yii just do a fertility test than telling her to be pregnant before marriage and what if after how many sex she's not pregnant what will you do?

6. TRUST SYNDROME
I don't know why you should get into a relationship with someone you didn't trust and even in the relationship, you don't see the need to trust the person yet you continue the relationship. It means you're set for headaches in marriage. Trust is what builds relationships and when it's not there, it can ruin a relationship or even marriage.

7. CORRECTION SYNDROME
You notice your partner is not taking to correction and you're not complaining and you feel that okay? No, it's not! You both should be able to correct one another and then you take to corrections without repeating that thing again. Never get into a relationship or marriage with someone who doesn't take to correction.

You should also read Red Flags in relationship

PAYING ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

PAYING ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

If you're driving on a high way and you see the red flag, it means you should drive carefully or telling you that an accident just occurred and in order not to have yours added to it you need to drive slowly.

Yes, there are also red flags in relationships that tells to drive slowly because of the danger of marriage. Red flags actually points to a danger ahead which either tells to slow down or to go back.

This many times in relationship, people don't see because  love seem to have blinded their eyes and the truth is, true love doesn't blind, it keeps the eyes widely opened, to correct where necessary.

You need to pay attention to the red flags in your relationship, so that you won't have issues in your marriage. Please remember that red flags are indicators of a danger ahead and this many times in relationships  could tell you to quit the relationship because of the danger ahead of marriage.

FOUR(4) RED FLAGS YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO

You must understand that marriage don't change people, relationship is the reflection of what marriage will look like and many times people double what they do in their relationships in marriage.
Photo Credit: Unsplash

Having said the need to pay attention to the red flag in your relationship, there is need for you know the red flags you need to pay attention to, so that when you see any of them you'll ran away.

#1 when you partner is the stingy type.
Marriage won't make your stingy partner to suddenly become a cheerful give in marriage, if your partner is stingy now expect double of it in marriage.

#2 when your partner speak back stab you
Some guys are good at speaking well of you when you're there but they go ahead to speak ill against you at your back. When your partner do this, please expect that such don't speak well of you before their parents at your back.

#3 when your partner slaps you
When your partner slaps you in relationship and you call the first one a play, the second one you say he is rubbing your cheek and the third time you say he doesn't mean it, beware foolishness may be knocking on your door. This abuse will double in marriage, he may buy punching bag because of you.

#4 when your partner spend on luxuries than saving
People who spend on luxuries normally don't have time for savings, they always have something to show and that's why they hardly get help. A luxury partner in relationship will definitely want a luxury wedding and I am sure of a luxury marriage.

 FOUR Reasons (4) WHY PEOPLE DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO RED FLAGS

#1 Love is blind syndrome
People who claim that love is blind never pay attention to the red flag in their relationships. They feel love cures all without paying attention to correct one another's wrong.

#2 The nonchalant attitude
What you don't care for in relationship now, will definitely become a prayer point in marriage. You're seeing something that could damage your marriage yet you say you don't care.

#3 desperate to marry
People today are desperate to marry, some don't even care at the red flags in their partner's life. Some because of age, they will say even if I just marry her then I will divorce her, just to be seen that I have married before. Don't kill yourself when you already identify something you can't cope with.

#4 my partner will change
People always believe that their partners will change suddenly, when they can't even see someone who is ready to identify with their errors or read books that will change them. What they just do is marry the person, thinking such will change in marriage.

It's important you don't turn a blind eye to all this signs when they  begin to show and don't be afraid to make the right decision.

Tope Akinyele


Saturday, June 20, 2020

6 UNDENIABLE THINGS THAT MAKES A MAN HAPPY

Alot of women always wondered why tveir men aren't happy and always come back home with that frown look. but your man can be happy if only you know exactly what to do.
There are alot of things that could make your  man happy, and if yours is unhappy you might be denying him of something.
  In this post we discuss six out of the many.
 
1. That he married the right partner:
When a man finds the right partner, he give him a lot of joy and happiness and I mean especially when he finally married her. There is a level of joy we derive in  finding a thing and being the owner of that thing. Every man counts it joy when they own what they pursue or finds all this years.

2. When he sees his wife "fulfilling" the help meet that scriptures said about his wife:
It's not enough to find and marry the right partner but it is good when your wife is fulfilling that part as an help meet in your marriage. 
Help meet means, you as a man has something that your wife can help you on and then team up to help meet that purpose in your hand.

3. When the man finds that his wife can take responsibility alongside with him:
It gives a man joy when his wife can take responsibility just like him. A man should not take all the responsibility in the home alone. It makes a man happy when his wife can also take responsibility alongside with him. Forget the macho part of a man, he needs a wife that takes responsibility alongside with him and this gives men a lot of happiness.


 4. What makes a man happy is when is wife is happy:
 
When you make your wife happy as a man you're also happy. A happy wife makes a happy husband and a happy husband makes a happy wife. When a man sees that his wife is happy, he is also happy. Never put your wife in a state of sadness and if you do, try all to ask for her forgiveness and let the joy go on in your marriage.

5. Respect means to honour your husband:
Every man loves to see that their wives respect them. Not just by use of words but by honouring them. Honour in the heart of a man is like happiness that flows that never runs dry. A wife that give this to her husband, will also be honored.

6.  Makes a man happy is good food and good sex...
I intentionally placed this last and if you have not read the other ones and you jumped to this part, I will say you should go back to the other ones. Sex and food are the same. Good food will always help good sex. When a man eats good food at home, he may not have need to eat outside. Just the same way, when a man have good sex at home, he has no need to taste sex outside. Good food is good for the body, good sex is good for the body too.
You can study to find out more on the things that makes your Man happy but pay attention to the six  discussed above.

Kindly share with me those other ways you have being making your man happy in the comment box.

Blessings.
Tope Akinyele

The Love Transformers Inc.

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